Me Trying to Be Sexy Like...

Updated: Jun 2, 2019


When the surgeon tells you that a lumpectomy is not an option as a result of your BRCA1 positive status, it is a big hit for sure. She described the double mastectomy in very clinical terms while we listened and looked at the diagrams that she keeps handy for talks such as this. After leaving the office we were numb...and then we cried again. We had opted for up front chemotherapy to shrink the tumor and lessen the amount of surgery which would be required. Once I wrapped my brain around double body part amputation, I started to really reflect on my history with my body. I feel very blessed that my mother is 6 feet tall and is in great shape even at 70 something (I guess that almost evens the scales for the BRCA) as this helped in the genetics department. So here I am tall, relatively slim (except for the late 40s inner tube like fat around my middle) and not exactly known for my breasts. I mean they served me well, they fed Sierra for about 2 months while I used the pump and she had the type of Colic that would have driven a lesser person mad. Other than that, they were good to have but they did not define me. I am pretty modest in the way I dress, and never found it necessary to enhance or show my cleavage. The picture above pretty much sums up me trying to be sexy. You could also compare my overall sexy factor as just a smidge higher than seeing Napolean Dynamite in a Speedo. One time, I attended a Zumba class and I truly looked like Gumby or a Flamingo dancing. Do they really need mirrors on every wall? Anyway, back to the double mastectomy talk. So when we last talked, I had no immune system to speak of and could not feel my feet. I was also mostly alone with several search engines. By this time, I had also followed my colleagues through the school year by continuing to view my emails and they had already made it passed winter break. Just to explain to people that did not choose teaching as a career, time is measured in school starting, Thanksgiving Break, Christmas Break, Spring Break and then you pray for summer. Do you have that one friend? You know the one that is the keeper of all of your secrets, loves all of you even the broken parts and can always make you smile or laugh without saying a word? I am blessed to say that I have Jen. Jen has known me since way before puberty and had defend her huge dork of a friend a time or a thousand in our school days. I knew I would need assistance to keep my spirits up so I called in Jen. As Forrest Gump would say...and just like that, Jen bought herself a plane ticket. I now had something to look forward to, if I was going to have my boobs cut off I wanted someone to keep my mind occupied during this most harrowing time:) During my Googling, I had done some research to find a way to not have to take narcotics after surgery. To my great excitement, I came across a handy dandy invention, the ON-Q pain relief system. Much like an epidural for childbirth or novocaine for root canal, the pain system would feed a drug slowly though two catheters which were placed at the breast sites for 5 days. This sounded dreamy and too good to be true! I asked my surgeon if she had ever used the ON-Q system and she stated that the plastic surgeons use it during reconstruction all the time. So I got to be her guinea pig and it worked out great! I felt absolutely nothing in that area for all five days and after that I only needed a Tylenol from time to time. The ON-Q medication is delivered from two very large plastic balls that you carry around with you in a fanny pack. Jen and I had the absolute best time with this as she was wheeling me out of the hospital, I had the balls tucked into my sweatpants in the front so we kept saying that I had my breasts removed but now I had balls! Yes, we thought this was funny without meds...Matt thought we were crazy. I will have to agree it was not my best look ever. One more step was complete and I reminded myself that if Amy Purdy could take second place on "Dancing with the Stars" without legs, I could certainly be flat and fabulous for awhile. My eternal thanks to Jen for keeping me laughing through this unimaginable circumstance! To be continued...




291 views2 comments

© 2023 by Naomi Rhyme. Proudly created with Wix.com